They should really pass out barf bags in church
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
