I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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