Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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