How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
