Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
3 2 1 whiskey
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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