I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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