are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
