Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
