Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
