We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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