After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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