I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
