New invention idea: vibrating tampons
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize