You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
