That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
