he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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