got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
