I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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