so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
