I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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