It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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