Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You can't special order awesome
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
