When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
