Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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