Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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