Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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