3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
