Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
