the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
