You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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