Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Please, let me fuck your mom
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
