My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
