i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
