I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
