Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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