He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
