I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
