she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
