After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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