I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
