I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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