i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
