my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
