Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
