Betty ford says i'm here all night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
