How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
