the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Randomize
