he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
