its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
