allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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