I skipped work to stalk him.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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