Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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