i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
