Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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