Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
