new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
