saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
