Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
