We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
