we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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