coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
