Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
