We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
