I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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