well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
