they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
