he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
