after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
