So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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