my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
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