he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
NoShamevember. You game?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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